Saturday, June 22, 2013

Forever Alone

March 26, 2009. The day that my life turned upside down. The day that my life took a horrible turn. My husband Charles Wilson was killed in Iraq. He was in the U.S. Marines. I'm 7 months pregnant. I was hoping he would get a chance to see his son. But Charles died doing what he always wanted to do. He died for a wonderful cause. I was in the cemetery, visiting his grave for the first time since the funeral. What am I gonna do? It's not money I'm worried about since I'm a doctor and make some pretty nice money. I don't know if I'm strong enough to raise this baby by myself. I really miss Charles. He was my first and you know what they say about your first love. He was my soulmate. Tears began to flow down my cheeks. Haven't I done enough of that already? I've been crying my eyes out a lot lately. I could feel a hand on my shoulder and I quickly turned around only to smile. It was Charles's best friend William. He's been a godsend to me. Ever since the funeral, he's been by my side looking after me. "I thought I'd find you here," William smiled. "Hey William," I returned the smile before looking back at Charles's grave. "He's in a better place you know.  He wouldn't want you to be so depressed and sad like this. I know you miss him but you're a strong woman Helen. You can make it," William put his arm around my shoulders. "I'm not so sure William. He was my first love. My soulmate. I feel like a part of me is gone," I sobbed, trying not to act hysterical. William hugged me and I could feel him stroking my hair. "It's gonna be okay. You have a lot of people to lean on. You'll find love again," he whispered. I hugged William back and smiled at what he said. "With you?" I giggled. I knew William always had feelings for me. But he stepped back and let Charles have me. William never once made a move. He sure was something else. "Very funny. Maybe one day," he chuckled. Maybe I'll fall for William. Who knows? I felt a lot better now. I was slowly looking forward to the future. Rest In Peace Charles. I love you and I will miss you always. I'll make sure to tell our son all about you.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Cleansing

I finally reached the clinic. It was a very long walk. Why am I here you ask? I'm getting an abortion. I was raped by a fellow co-worker of mine. I'm only 16 years old. I don't wanna take care of a rape baby. Hell I don't even want to have kids period. When I got up the balls to tell my mom what happened to me, she was supportive of me. She even contacted the cops and had the guy arrested. When I found out I was pregnant, I was really scared. My mom wants me to have the baby and either keep it and give it up for adoption but there's no way I'm going through all that pain. I want no lingering attachments. I told her I was getting an abortion and she was pissed. Being the religious nut she is, she basically told me that if I got one, she'd disown me and kick me out of the house. Oh well. I don't give a shit. I don't need her anyways. It's my body. I can do whatever the hell I want with it. I rolled my eyes at the pro-life protesters. Seriously? And why were there guys among them? They don't know a damn thing about pain. They don't have vaginas. They don't deserve to have an opinion on abortion and women's rights. I walked inside of the clinic and went to the area where the abortions were being held. I already made an appointment with the doctor so I was in the clear. I saw that there were a few other girls there too. Well at least I'm not alone. I sat down and waited patiently for my name to be called. I noticed that two of the girls were crying. Were they being forced to get an abortion? Not cool at all. It should be something you want to do, not something you have to do. My name was finally called and I stood up, my legs shaking. I walked into the room and the doctor closed the door. It was a woman. Thank God. "Hello. I'm Dr. Eisenburg. How far along are you in your pregnancy?" She asked. "Four weeks," I answered. She nodded and got the materials ready. "Are you ready Serena?" She asked. Ugh. I hate my name. To me, Selena is better. Maybe I should change it. I nodded my head, not wanting to answer. She gave me a paper gown and smiled. "Go into the bathroom and change into that." I obeyed her and quickly changed. I wanted to get this over with. I walked out of the bathroom, leaving my clothes in there. After laying down on the bed, Dr. Eisenburg began to perform the abortion. I winced at the slight discomfort. It felt strange. But it didn't hurt. When she was done, she helped me down and asked me a ton of questions. Sheesh it was just an abortion. I'm not gonna die. After going into the bathroom and changing back into my clothes, I walked out and bid the doctor farewell before leaving the room. I felt....cleansed. I felt like a weight had been lifted from me. As for my mom, I'll find out some way to deal with her. My cleansing is just beginning.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Farewell

This is it. I'm tired of this shit. I'm now officially leaving this hellhole I'm forced to call home. What's here for me? Absolutely nothing. Without Mom, I have nothing. All I have is this damn insurance money. Oh well it'll be good for me to use until I can get myself into college. Plus I gotta find a job. I wish these people would quit telling me about God. What can he do? He's done nothing for me. All he brings is pain. I'm not gonna go through hell and high water my whole life like Mom did. I'm gonna make something of myself before I leave this world. With or without God. I finally reached the station and looked around. I was planning on maybe going to another city. I'm not leaving the state. No way. Maybe Nashville will do. Or maybe Martin. So many choices, so little time. I saw that a bus was leaving for Nashville and quickly got on it before anyone would notice. I paid for bus fare of course. I always pay my own way. After several more people rushed on the bus, it began to move. Finally. I'm free like the wind. Free to live my own life the way I want to without others telling me what to do. Suddenly I could feel someone falling on my lap. It was a guy. Was he being a damn pervert? He quickly got up and smiled at me. "Sorry about that. Accident." I noticed he had a nice accent. It seemed to be Australian. Nice. "It's fine," I shrugged as I turned my head towards the window. "Is anyone sitting here?" The handsome stranger asked. "Be my guest," I mumbled. He sat down, letting out a sigh of relief. He decided to strike a conversation with me. His name was Wesley and he was from Australia. That explains the accent. He moved to the U.S. at a young age and was now going to Nashville to stay with his family. At least he has one. Well I do have family but I'm not really close to them. Man this guy could talk. He sure seemed energetic. But I wasn't telling him anything about my situation. Hell no. But I was enjoying talking to this gorgeous hunk. He and I have a lot in common. The bus ride seemed to be very short since we were talking the whole time. When the bus finally reached Nashville and got to the station, I grabbed my bags like everyone else did and got off the bus. I saw that Wesley was with his family. They seemed so happy. I began to walk the other direction, smiling as I imagined how the future might be. Farewell past, hello new me.