Letter To You

God. Are you there? Are you listening? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you torturing me? Do you like seeing me suffer like this? Do you get your rocks off by making me miserable? It wasn't enough for you to take my father away so instead you make my mother (who followed you no matter what) suffer through unimaginable pain and you take her away from me right when I was at my weakest. Like a wolf hunting its prey. Do you know why no one believes in you anymore? Do you know why people disregard you so? It's because you break promises and you take entirely too long to "bless" them as you say. Also you test their faith entirely too much. Apparently you have trust issues. So much for being perfect. Why should I believe in you? Why should I trust you? So I can go through more pain? I don't think so. All I asked for was a nice life. Not a perfect life. A nice one. And what do I get? A shitty one instead. I'm almost at my wit's end. I've thought about committing suicide many times and I don't care if I go to hell for it. I doubt anyone would give a damn if I died. I'm sick of this crap. You're bringing on a lot of problems but no solution whatsoever. Sure some of the problems are my fault but you are to blame for some of them as well. I don't care if I sound demanding. You were being demanding when you took my mother from me and took away my ray of light. All I see is darkness. I have no passion or zest for life anymore. I'm dead inside. And you are to blame for that. I don't even see why I'm asking for your help. You're probably laughing and disregarding me like trash. Just like you disregarded my mother's prayers like trash. I've had enough. If you are who you say you are, then I wouldn't suffering like this. My patience is wearing thin. If things don't change, if things don't go well for once in my life, I will be done. Over. Finished. Consider this a warning before I go insane and/or commit suicide. Good-bye.

Coming Home

I feel empty. I feel hollow. I'm an empty shell that exists just to exist. My life has no meaning now. The noise. I can't take the noise anymore. I'm close if not at my breaking point. I'm at a loss for what to do. How do I end this suffering? How do I numb the pain or make it go away? There's only one way out. I walked into the kitchen and pulled out a knife. No one will care if I die. Hell everyone already thinks I'm just a waste of space. I'm worthless. I'm nothing. I'm just doing the world a favor. I raised the knife and stabbed myself in the stomach. The pain was immense but I could feel myself being cleansed. Being cleansed of this torture. I raised the knife and stabbed myself again. I fell onto my knees and then the floor, blood pouring everywhere. I could see a light. Was it an angel? Shit. I may go to Hell for killing myself but oh well. No one will care. I'm coming home. Wait for me Mom. I'm coming home.